Church Leaders Who Permit Carnality from NCFIC on Vimeo.

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My Testimony:

My story of faith in Christ begins in May of 1996. While I did not grow up in church, I did from time to time go to church with my grandmother. I knew John 3:16 from the time I was 6 years old and I had heard that if I believed in Jesus I would have everlasting life. I loved, however, this passing world. I was rebellious from a very young age, and by the time I turned 20 in 1996, I was considered by most who knew me to be not worth saving.

I was, as the Holy Word puts it, a lover of the flesh and lover of this passing world. It is with great shame that I wish to spare the readers of this page the details of my former manner of wickedness. In general terms, I confess that I was a lawless man, an idolater, and an inventor of evil things. I was un-loving, un-thankful, and full of all manner of wickedness.

In March of 1996, after being evicted from my apartment, and spending a night or two without a place to sleep, I was rescued from the cold by a friend who shared my addictions and was as wicked as I was. While staying with this friend, I searched for work and began to try to get back on my feet. This was a struggle, but as providence would have it, by May, I found work at a local restaurant and a new roommate who would not allow my pattern of wickedness under his roof.
With things looking up and a stable roof over my head, I thought to myself, that it was good that I should continue in my wickedness. I did, however, seek to make a few small changes. I committed to try to quit smoking cigarettes and to try to resist some of my more destructive habits. A few days into my new situation, I found myself watching a religious program on TV. It was a documentary which sought to expose an injustice in which political activism had led to the diversion of Aids research monies to programs to distribute prophylactics in public schools. At the end of the show, a number was listed where one could find out how to help fight such injustice. Enraged, I called the number. Within a few rings, I was connected with a cheerful woman who asked how she might help me. To which I answered, “I would like to know how I can help in the war against *******. The cheerful woman was now stern as she gently rebuked me. She informed me that I had radically missed the point of the program, and that it was their intention to share the love of Jesus Christ, not encourage a war against anyone. Stunned, I said nothing for several seconds. She spoke again, this time she asked, “Can I ask you a few questions?” To which I responded positively. Her first question was, “Do you believe in God?” I responded, “Sure, everyone believes in God.” She continued with her second question, “Ok, so this God you believe in, is he all powerful?” after a short pause to think, I responded, “Yeah sure, he's god, isn't he?” Then she asked, “Do you believe in the Bible?” I responded quicker this time, “Of course NOT, no one believes in that book, it’s been rewritten by every monarch throughout history.” To which she responded, “So, let me get this straight, you believe in an all powerful God, who is powerless to preserve his word from every monarch throughout history.” Rattled, I hung up the phone.

A few days later, the words, “God preserves His word”, were still ringing in my ears. I failed in my personal commitment to quit smoking, and further, I failed in my commitment to resist my other more destructive habit. I found myself looking in the mirror crying, as I realized just how weak willed I was. Weeping and hating myself, I sought out something religious on the TV. This time, I found a man on a stage listing off things that offend God. He listed all sorts of sins and wicked acts, most of which I was guilty of committing. Before he finished, my weeping turned to sobbing. I knew that I had radically offended God, and that I was in desperate need of reconciliation to Him. I did not know what to do, so I looked heavenward and cried out, “God, if you're real, show me and I will follow you.”

The next day, sitting in the smoking section of the restaurant where I was working, I saw a young man reading his Bible. I was eager to know if reconciliation with God was possible, after all, I knew John 3:16, and it seemed to indicate that God had made some provision for those who believed. I spent the next few hours asking this young man question after question about God, the bible and Jesus. At the end of the evening, I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Master, to forgive my sins and to reconcile me to the Father. To which He has been faithful to His promise that, “all who call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. (Acts 2:21)”

Prayer

Gracious, merciful Father, I am weak, so very weak. I am so fragile and so prideful. Please Lord in your loving kindness grant that I should learn to live in a place of utter dependence upon you; that I should live as one with no hope in the flesh. O Lord, grant that I would not lose sight of my weakness, that I would not think of myself more highly than I ought, that I would hate my very life for the sake of Your glory and honor. O Lord, that I might serve as You served, in selfless love; that I might live as You lived, in total abandon to the Father; that I might know You in all ways, even in Your suffering. Please Lord, do whatever it takes to kill my pride, slay myself love and make me useful in Your hands.

Father, I lift up to You all who read this prayer and the congregation that You lead me serve. I plead with You, O High King of Heaven, to grant to these beloved ones grace to endure my many failures, as You grant to me, the faith to hope in future grace. O Lord, grant to them in Your wisdom a servant who is dependent upon You, a man who in recognizing his failures, does not grow comfortable in them, a man who hungers to know You and to see your power displayed in him. O Lord, bless them with a servant far greater than I am capable of being. O most merciful Father, grant them a shepherd who will be faithful to Your Word, even when they don't want to hear it. Bless them to resist the desire to draw in men to tickle their ears. O Lord, that You might show Your love for them in teaching them what it means to die to self. Father, please let me never forget the weightiness of this high calling, let me never take lightly the duty set before me, that I might love You above all things, and that I might love them as I ought. Lord, it is only in knowing You that I even know what it is to love and be loved. Please Lord, don't let me elevate anything above You.